After hosting more playdates than I could possibly count, I've learnt that the successful ones are rarely the ones you've spent hours planning. A little preparation helps, but children really don't need a perfectly curated afternoon.
Here are the playdate tips I'd actually pass on to another parent.
Keep it manageable
For a first playdate, particularly with younger children, a couple of hours is plenty. Agree a definite collection time beforehand and give the children a ten-minute warning towards the end so their game doesn't suddenly have to stop just as Mum or Dad appears at the door.
Beforehand, check allergies and dietary requirements, mention any pets and make sure you have more snacks than seems reasonable. If parents are staying often a good idea with nursery-aged children, establish that when you arrange it too.
Don't be afraid of house rules
Children are used to different rules in different homes, so don't expect them to know yours. If food stays at the table, there's no jumping on furniture or upstairs is out of bounds, say so nicely at the beginning and then everyone knows where they stand.
It's worth deciding how you feel about screens too. At Binky we're naturally rather fond of a screen-free playdate, simply because children have so many other opportunities to play when they're together, but every household is different.
Respect Their Family's Rules Too
Just as children coming into your home need to understand that your house may have different rules, it's worth remembering that their parents may have boundaries they'd like you to respect too.
They may be a screen-free family, have particular films or games they don't allow, or simply do things differently. You don't need to make a big point of it or make the visiting child feel different; where you can, just quietly leave those things out of the playdate for everyone.
I'd be particularly careful when it comes to photos and social media. We share so much of our lives online that it's easy to think nothing of taking a lovely picture of the children and posting it, but don't assume another parent is comfortable with images of their child being shared. With a new nursery or school friend, there may also be a very good reason why their child's image shouldn't appear online that you know nothing about.
Unless you know the parents are happy for you to share, I'd simply keep photographs of their child off social media. Once an image has been posted, particularly somewhere you don't control, it can be very difficult to completely take back.
Don't get every toy out
You don't need to empty the toy cupboard. A few good open-ended toys, a game, some craft materials or something to build can actually lead to much better play than overwhelming children with choices.
If a toy is brand new, delicate, or your child's precious something best to keep it under wraps.
Our Games & Puzzles, Arts & Crafts and Educational & STEAM Toys collections are all good places to look for toys and activities children can genuinely enjoy together. We've also put together our Best Playdate Activities & Ideas for Kids if you want a few ideas up your sleeve.
Don't rush in every time something goes wrong
Children fall out. Someone wants the same toy, someone changes the rules halfway through the game and someone inevitably declares something "not fair." Unless someone is genuinely upset, give them a little space to sort out the smaller disagreements themselves.
The same goes for boredom. You don't have to produce another activity the moment they announce there's nothing to do. Give them five minutes and you'll often find they've invented something far better than anything you could have suggested.
And don't read too much into one playdate. Children can behave very differently away from home, just as your own child probably behaves differently when they're somebody else's guest.
Keep Half an Ear on the Conversation
As children get older, playdates naturally become more independent, but with pre-teens especially, it's worth keeping half an ear on the conversation. Gossip can gather momentum surprisingly quickly and children can get drawn into things they wouldn't normally say or do.
I've heard plenty of stories over the years where something that seemed funny on a Saturday became much less funny back at school on Monday particularly for the child who wasn't there, or who happened to be the subject of the group's gossip.
There's no need to hover, but if things start becoming personal or unkind, quietly change the direction. The same goes for phones and social media; a silly photo, video or comment can travel far beyond the playdate and be very difficult to take back.
Sometimes they just need a little help remembering that what's funny in the room might not feel quite so funny to someone else tomorrow.
Don't Leave One Out
If your child has a little friendship group of three or four, be thoughtful about inviting everyone. Of course, not every child needs to be invited to everything, but inviting the whole group except one can be incredibly hurtful. Just think how you'd feel if it were your child who was the only one left out.
That includes the child who might be a little more full-on, need some extra support or have a additional need you're not familiar with. Don't let simply not knowing what they might need become the reason they're excluded.
If you're unsure whether you can give them the support they need, have a quiet word with their parent. You may find there's very little you need to do differently, or invite their parent to stay so everyone can relax and the child can still be part of the day.
Children notice who gets included and who doesn't. Friendships will naturally change, but deliberately leaving one child out of an established group isn't something I'd want my child to learn from me.
Keep it simple
If they're hungry, feed them. If they're getting fractious, change the pace. If the sun comes out, send them into the garden, and if they're completely engrossed in a game, resist the temptation to interrupt just because you'd planned something else.
And be easy on yourself too. If you hate cooking and baking simply isn't in your vocabulary, a playdate probably isn't the time to attempt homemade cupcakes with four children. Equally, if your child has zero interest in crafting, don't feel you need to set up an elaborate craft table because that's what a playdate is supposed to look like.
It's meant to be fun for everyone, you included. Do what feels natural in your home and what your child genuinely enjoys, rather than trying to create someone else's idea of the perfect afternoon. The aim is for your child and their friends to feel comfortable and have fun, not to produce a Pinterest-worthy playdate.
If you're just beginning to navigate playdates after starting nursery or school, read our First Steps into Playdates: Starting Nursery, School & New Friendships, which covers everything from making that first introduction to allergies, pets, parking and collection times.
Most of all, remember that you don't have to manufacture the friendship. You're simply giving it somewhere to grow. Give them something good to play with, enough snacks, a little downtime and some freedom, and they'll usually take care of the rest.
Oh yes... and.... Get Everyone to Help Tidy Up
Before everyone heads home, get the kids involved in tidying up. It doesn't need to be a military operation, but getting into the habit of putting away what they've played with is a good skill to learn and will make your life, and your friends' lives, considerably easier.
A ten-minute tidy-up together at the end also means you're not left surveying the aftermath of three hours of enthusiastic play once everyone has disappeared out of the door. Start the habit young and, hopefully, they'll do the same when they're playing at somebody else's house too.
