Starting nursery or school brings a whole new world of friendships, and before long your child will probably come home talking endlessly about someone you've never met and announce that they absolutely have to come over to play.
Hopefully they've already had the odd playdate with family friends or children they've grown up with, but those first nursery and school playdates feel a little different. They're the beginning of your child's own friendships, rather than the children of people you happen to know, and you're suddenly navigating a whole new group of parents too.
It can all feel slightly awkward at first, so here are a few things I've found helpful along the way.
When you don't know the other parent
Your child has talked about Freddie for three weeks. Apparently they're inseparable. You know Freddie's favourite dinosaur, what he had for lunch and possibly what he did at the weekend, but you have absolutely no idea who Freddie's parents are.
If, like me, you're a working mum who isn't always at the school gates, this can make arranging those first playdates after starting school surprisingly difficult.
One very simple, slightly old-fashioned thing I've found works brilliantly is a little card.
Pick up a postcard or small note card, pop your mobile number on it and write something like:
"Hi Freddie's mum/dad, I'm Alexis, Bibi's mum. Lovely to meet you. Bibi and I would love to invite Freddie to come and play at our house / meet us at the park. Please drop me a WhatsApp and we can arrange something. Alexis x"
Depending on the school and your child's age, they can give it to their friend, pop it into their school bag or you can ask the teacher or TA if they wouldn't mind passing it on.
It's much easier than attempting to work out who someone is on a huge school WhatsApp group. And if you don't hear back, don't take it personally — there's every chance your carefully written playdate invitation is still sitting at the bottom of a book bag underneath several paintings, a reading book and a banana that's been there since Tuesday.
For the first one, keep it easy
A first playdate doesn't necessarily have to mean dropping a four-year-old at someone's house for an entire afternoon. Meeting at the park, going for a hot chocolate or having both parents stay for an hour or two can be a really nice way to start, particularly with nursery and Reception-aged children.
It gives the children a chance to get to know each other away from school and, just as importantly, gives you a chance to get to know the parent. After that, the after-school "I'll pick them both up and you collect at 5.30" playdates tend to become much easier.
It's worth agreeing whether parents are staying beforehand. There's no right or wrong way to do it; it's simply much nicer if everyone knows what the plan is before they arrive.
A quick check before they come
When you arrange the playdate, ask about allergies, intolerances and anything they really don't eat. I'd also mention pets if you have them. Fear of dogs or cats is very normal in children and, of course, there may be allergies too.
Then buy more snacks than you think you'll need. There is something about a playdate that appears to make children permanently hungry.
It's also helpful to send your full address and anything useful about getting to you. If parking is a nightmare, permits are needed or your front door is strangely difficult to find, tell them before they set off.
Your house, your rules, just don't expect them to know them
Every family does things differently, and that's part of children spending time in other people's homes.
If you don't allow food in the sitting room, shoes upstairs or climbing on the furniture, just mention it when they arrive. What feels completely obvious in your house may be perfectly acceptable in theirs.
The same goes for screens, bedrooms, helping themselves to snacks and playing outside. I've always found a quick, friendly explanation at the beginning much easier than spending the afternoon saying "please don't do that" to a child who genuinely had no idea.
The one thing I would always do: give an end time
This saves so much uncertainty for everyone.
"Would Freddie like to come home with us after school and play until about 5.30?" is much easier than "Would Freddie like to come over after school?"
Without an end time, nobody is quite sure when collection is supposed to happen, the afternoon starts drifting towards dinner and the children inevitably begin campaigning for another hour.
Especially with those early nursery or school playdates, a couple of happy hours can be plenty. Finishing while everyone is still enjoying themselves usually makes arranging the next one rather easy.
And then let them play
Once they're through the door, you really don't have to produce an afternoon's entertainment.
Something easy to start with can help if they're feeling shy — a game, a little craft activity or something to build together — but after that I'd let them find their feet. Two children who have apparently been best friends all week at school can be hilariously awkward for the first ten minutes in somebody else's house, and then suddenly disappear into their own world.
We've put together some of our favourite playdate activities and ideas for kids for exactly this, from easy creative activities and games to building toys, imaginative play and ideas for rainy afternoons.
You'll also find lots of things made for playing together in Binky's Games & Puzzles, Arts & Crafts- and Educational & STEAM Toys collections.
Don't Forget a Little Downtime
It's very easy to think that a successful playdate means keeping everyone entertained from the moment they arrive until the moment they leave, but children need a little downtime too. If they've been at nursery or school all day, followed by two hours of non-stop activities at home, it's hardly surprising when things start to unravel.
Children get overstimulated just as we do, and there's often a point in a playdate when everyone needs to come down a gear. Ignore it and before you know it you either have a slightly crazy crew tearing around the house or, worse, a small disagreement suddenly becomes a major falling out with somebody in tears.
So build in some quiet time without making a big thing of it. Put out some snacks and drinks, sit down with a puzzle, do some colouring, read a book or simply let them flop for a while. They don't need to be actively entertained every minute they're together, and sometimes that little bit of breathing space is exactly what they need before disappearing off to play happily again.
It's good for us too. Hosting a playdate can be surprisingly full-on, particularly when you have several children in the house, so a calmer half hour gives everyone a little headspace and may save your sanity as well as theirs.
The aim isn't to fill every minute. A good playdate has a bit of a natural rhythm to it: play, snack, run around, make something, chill out, play again. Give children enough space for that rhythm to happen and the whole afternoon tends to be much easier for everyone.
And for all those little things you only really learn after hosting a few, have a read of our Top Playdate Tips for Parents.
Those first playdates are really just another of the little steps that come with starting nursery or school. Before long you'll have numbers saved in your phone, children coming home after school and friendships developing quite happily without much involvement from us at all.
Which, really, is rather lovely.
